And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
