walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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