I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
