I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
