My sheets look like a crime scene.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
