Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
