tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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