margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
