you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
