....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
