so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
