As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
