you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
