I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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