A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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