I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Little spoons don't ask big questions
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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