the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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