sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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