guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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