Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
