Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
