I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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