He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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