I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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