I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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