idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
