singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
