I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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