we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
