so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
