so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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