Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
