Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
