I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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