call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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