she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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