He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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