So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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