it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
