I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
