dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
