I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
