You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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