sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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