Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
