I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
