I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How does one acquire holy water?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
