i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i came on her dog
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
