Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
