what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
