I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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