Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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