WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
