I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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