Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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