porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
