One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
