i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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